(Madoff)+(Enron)+(Worldcom) = ?

In the Holy Fucking Shit department, we have a news story that has – shockingly – not made the rounds on Fox News or CNN.

The Independent takes a calculator, and puts the cost of Iraq War fraud safely in the $120-billion-plus range. That’s only the fraud by military contractors and actual staff, and is only the first cut. We *were* welcomed as liberators – of taxpayer cash.

I’d like to find some wonderful analogy or alternative use of that much money, but I’m too busy trying not to throw up.

Hello? Fox News? Rush? Did your AP news feed stop working?

It’s time to start drinking heavily.

For a long time, I had a reputation of being a “chicken little”, warning of what I saw as dangerous instability in the world’s financial systems, and outright delusional behavior by the American electorate/consumer. It was vaguely reassuring to see a recognized expert downplay my concerns, even if the answers sometimes seemed a little optimistic.

Three years ago, I predicted a 15% downturn in nationwide real estate prices, with more severe impact in regions populated by boomers watching too much Mortgage Porn.

Sadly, I was underestimating the impact of the over-leveraged consumer, and not nearly cynical enough about the absolute fraud in the world financial system. Where I expected marginal value, I’ve instead found outright theft and classic Ponzi schemes.

Today, George Soros glumly noted that the state of our finances is worse than the great depression, and should more accurately be compared to the complete collapse of the USSR.

(I don’t follow the talk radio types, so if Rush Limbaugh has denounced Soros, I apologize in advance. Limbaugh’s show makes a lot of money running ads from various get-rich-quick schemes and commodity-trading boiler rooms, so clearly he’s an expert.)

Then there’s Paul Volcker, quoted as saying

“I don’t remember any time, maybe even in the Great Depression, when things went down quite so fast, quite so uniformly around the world”

Speaking as someone who pored over the stats in the Wall St. Journal, and did very nicely in the dot-com runup, that’s fucking terrifying.

America’s largest brokerage houses have been effectively shut down, and our banks are referred to as “zombies”, a term last used on a few Japanese banks that were insolvent, but had their public identity maintained through cash infusions, to avoid a national panic.

This strategy worked in Japan – somewhat – because the country had a large, profitable manufacturing base, a high personal savings rate, an educated workforce, and virtually no military or foreign obligations.

In comparison, the US is coming off a spending binge to make the “roaring 20’s” blush with embarrassment, our manufacturing base is near collapse, and we’re committed to military expenditures comparable to D-Day. We all know that almost 5,000 young Americans have been killed in Mission Accomplished, but the terrifying figure is the number of injured, disabled, and mentally traumatized. Many of these people will not only be unable to support themselves, they will require complex and expensive care for decades.

Our spending on education lags behind many other third-world countries, with occasional surges to pay religious law specialists to make sure none of that evolution nonsense gets into poor Britney’s head.

This is usually the point in my rant where I lighten up and point to the bright side of the story.

There isn’t a bright side.

We’ve emptied our wallets, our bank accounts, and cashed in the blue-chips for tulip bulbs. A lot of people who were expecting a decade of polo shirts and golf are in for a few years of squalor and thrift-shop used clothing.

In short, we’re fucked. Might as well drink up.

Resolved: Fark needs a “Texas” tag.

A writer in the Houston Chronicle’s editorial page states what millions have been reluctant to consider:

Texas is the stupidest state in the United States of America.

I JUST read about the University of Texas poll that says that 23 percent of Texans amazingly still believe that Obama is a Muslim. I laughed and laughed. I live in Flori-DUH. We formerly carried the title of stupidest state. On behalf of all Floridians, we are relieved to now hand that title to Texas, home of George Bush and Tom DeLay. You can even take our former motto, and use it as your own: “Texas — Stuck On Stupid.” You may want to use another one: “Texans — Dumb As Dirt.”

Thank you Texas. Flori-DUH is no longer the dumbest of the dumb.

BILL NATHANSON Coral Springs, Fla.

Full disclosure: I am a resident of Texas. I call Texas my home, and I will likely be buried here – T-boned by some chain-smoking soccer-mom who ran a red light while trying to find the number for the church/bank on her cellphone.

While I was not born here, I moved here eagerly and willingly, drawn by the robust economy, the reasonable cost of living, and the unique character that defines the Lone Star State.

One of the most populous states, Texas reflects a broad cross-section of the nation. In the north, it lies between the rolling plains of Oklahoma and the rocky terrain of New Mexico. In the west there are mountains capped with snow almost year-round, and in the east lies the humid piney bayou of the gulf coast, home to fishing, oil, and Klan meetings. Finally, to the south lies a surprisingly lush farmland, and several million dark-skinned people with whom we have a rather awkward history.

That said, we present our qualifications:

Wikipedia defines stupidity as:

“low intelligence or poor learning abilities. Stupidity is distinct from irrationality because stupidity denotes an incapability or unwillingness to properly consider the relevant information”

I believe Texas exceeds Florida safely in every aspect.

1. Low intelligence

Texas has historically been handicapped by the presence of several prominent institutions of higher learning. Among these are Rice University – site of President Kennedy’s iconic “we choose to go to the moon” address, and the University of Texas – a well-recognized medical and business school.

While even Texas knows it is difficult to “un-educate” people, we have worked hard to prevent the education of our citizens. To wit, Texas A&M University. This college is most known for it’s football team, of course, but it has also worked hard to preserve traditional relationships between the races, as well as a widely-accepted leadership in hatred and fear of non-christians.

Our elementary and secondary schools regularly work into the night to ensure that dangerous books and ideas are diverted into proper channels: Hiring lawyers to defend religion in school (as long as it’s the “right” religion) and prevent the teaching of science.

Summary: Our children are still not the stupidest, but we get an “A” for effort.

2. Irrationality vs. Stupidity

Many would point to the religiosity of a state as an indicator of irrationality, but I believe this to be an oversimplification. Indeed, many of our most respected hospitals and schoole are the product of studious faiths and people. Columbia-Presbyterian. Mount Sinai hospital. Notre Dame. All founded by people who have conflicting faiths. But these people are driven by their faith to explore, to teach, to heal, and to build. I’ve had dinner alongside a rabbi and a jesuit preist. Both had intellects and wit which would impress any Harvard professor or TV comedian. (especially since one of them was a department chair at Princeton, and the other, a popular entertainer)

In Texas, though, a church is not a place to be enlightened. They are places (or palaces) of the Fox News or Rush Limbagh mindset: Tell me exactly what I already think is true. Tell me the rest of the world is out to get me. And then sell me a sticker to put on my car to proclaim my ignorance!

My evidence: Lakewood Church, now located in what was until recently the home of the Houston Rockets basketball team. It can seat 16,000 people, and has indoor parking facilities to allow the faithful to avoid any contact with non-believers on their way from their SUV to the “church”.

Other churches may have bigger auditoriums, or more dreadful preachers. But only Lakewood Church has turned the dreary experience of church into a multimedia entertainment experience and self-help seminar by the best-selling author of … oh, God, I’m going to throw up.

Victoria Osteen exemplifies Texas: Removed from a plane for assaulting a (black) flight attendant who didn’t clean her first-class seat fast enough, Texans swiftly protected her. The local paper, normally occupied with complaints about some suspicious arabs on a plane, was swamped with letters putting the “stewardess” in her place for being so uppity. Moral: Security risks are, by definition, caused by darker-skinned people, i.e. in Fox News’ “Attractive Woman In Danger” banners.

Summary: Irrationality implies consistency. Stupidity does not. Texas wins.

3. Refusal to accept relevant or proper information, or context.

This is a state where a Real Man will dress up like a cowboy, get in his Cummins Power Turbo Penis Stroke Fire Chief King Ranch Texas Edition pickup truck (with the imitation-chrome badging!), and sit in traffic for an hour, to go to his job as an assistant manager of expense accounting. Getting 7mpg, with an “I SUPPORT THE TROOPS”, and “ONE NATION, UNDER GOD” magnetic stick-ons (made in the People’s Republic of China). These guys would make the butchest daddies at the NYC Eagle look less uptight.

Evidence:

Florida, by virtue of a public that votes on something more than “it’s the party my daddy voted for” requires candidates to pay attention to the electorate, deliver services, and be accountable – or be replaced. Texas, on the other hand, is visited only by presidential candidates seeking contributions from the energy lobby.

Florida might like to point to the 2000 elections as a trump card, but, really, you can only have a botched election if people vote in the first place.

Texas likes to pride itself on being a “rootin’ tootin, gun-slingin’ state!”, and we are the source of many of the weapons used to kill thousands of cops and civilians in Mexico, as payment for the drugs we import. But did you know that until 1994, it was easier to get a “carry permit” in New York, Massachusets, and even Connecticut, than in Texas? Yes, really.

Vermont, home to the only self-proclaimed socialist in the United States Senate, doesn’t even require a carry permit, but here in Texas, we take it to another level: If you catch a pre-teen stealing a twinkie, you can beat him, kick him, and then shoot him in the back of his head while he’s kneeling and begging for mercy. Not only that, but we’ll write angry letters to the D.A. for even having the nerve to question your rights.

Summary: Unless you show me a “Florida Edition” pickup truck, we win.

4. Mitigating factors

Florida has clung to it’s tag while simultaneously marketing a tropical mosquito swamp as “the happiest place on earth”, and one of the world’s most popular tourist destination. Every day, it wastes thousands of opportunities to punch out a foreign-sounding visitor. With a climate possibly more horrible than Houston, TX, Orlando has become a lucrative enterprise.

Texas, on the other hand, has worked hard to piss off everyone. You know the “Six Flags” theme parks? Right. The name is “Six Flags over Texas”, named for the national flags that have flown over this state in little over 150 years. In some Boston neighborhoods, 150 years is considered “recent construction”. In Texas, that is enough time for a genocide, civil war, revolution, border skirmishes too numerous to count, and lest those crazy Alaskans think they’re seccessionist, we are the only state that still keeps the right to fly our state flag alongside the U.S. flag – just so everyone knows who to blame.

• We tell the Mexicans to “go home” – ignoring that we kind of invaded and kicked them out to start with.
• We take our “law and order” mentality so strongly here, that we’re the only state to not have a legal aid department for indigent defendants. (instead, we contract the work out to private law firms at a much higher price. But we make it up on the volume!)
• We had Enron. C’mon, Florida, can you do better than that? I didn’t think so.
• We had Enron 10 years after we had the S&L crisis.
• We execute more prisoners than anyone else, and executions are inversely proportional to education.
• And as my final argument, I have only one name: George W. Bush.

I rest my case and await the rebuttal, should the respected opposition feel the need to make even a token effort.

Enough to make a grown man cry

There is waste, and then there is Waste. These pictures, taken so close together, border on tragedy. A wrecked Porsche is a sad sight indeed, but a trashed Lambo, well, words fail me.

Mrs. Palin, do you love America?

Most of us dismissed the reports that Sarah Palin was part of a group that wanted to secede from the United States. We understood that she wasn’t actually a member of the party, just, perhaps a close associate of it. Just because a member of your family belongs to something doesn’t mean you do.

But there are other things too. Most recently, the odd statement by her pastor calling down god’s wrath “.. on Alaska.. and on the United States”.

I understand sometimes we can say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, and nowhere is this more common than in a church.

I keep getting this funny feeling that some of her group don’t really think of themselves as part of the United States. Understandable; they’re sitting on huge energy reserves and get very possessive when the United States government reminds them that they’re a state too, and have to play by the same rules.

So… I have to ask.

Mrs. Palin, if you have to make a decision between the good of the United States as a whole, against the local financial interests of your friends up north, what will you do?

“Alaska first, Alaska always“, or “One Nation, Under God, Indivisible“?

Paging J.B.!

“dammit, I hate when I tell the truth by mistake!”

Gov. Tom Ridge accidentally tells it like it is.

And the snark-o-meter hits 11!

I have a sharp tongue (and yes, I’ve cut myself with it more than once) but Roger Simon seems to be in good form today:

ST. PAUL, Minn. — On behalf of the media, I would like to say we are sorry.

On behalf of the elite media, I would like to say we are very sorry.

We have asked questions this week that we should never have asked.

We have asked pathetic questions like: Who is Sarah Palin? What is her record? Where does she stand on the issues? And is she is qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency?

(link)

Rolodexes

People in politics have them. It’s how you find things out. And what an elected official can do is often driven by how good their rolodex is. A great president, faced with a regional crisis in eastern Europe, might have the background knowledge to understand who is fighting, and even how to communicate with them. Our current president, not so much.

A poor president is going to call Blackwater, or CACI, and ask them what to do. And as the saying goes, if the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Not bad if you’re a roofer, but not so great if you’re a neurosurgeon.

This country needs a leader who knows how the machinery of government works, and can work inside those areas (you know, the ones that say “no user-serviceable parts inside”) without losing a finger or starting a nuclear holocaust.

We often get warned that this is “pre 9-11 thinking”. My response is, that if we had a qualified president in the White House, 9-11 could have been just another day in the autumn, and we’d have a trillion dollars less of debt.

edit: Apparently, she does have some contacts. Not known if a decent chinese take-out place is among them.

For the record…

… I am not Peggy Noonan.

But if she was copying my post from yesterday, I’ll take an attribution at least!

John McCain: Hero

I figured it out today. McCain deserves our respect and admiration. After figuring out that his party was well and truly in the Vitter, and seeing that his opponent – Barack Obama – is an honorable and qualified man – he knew he could either run the campaign to it’s conclusion, and possibly even win it. Doing so would leave the United States in a more tenuous position even than the one it is in today.

Or, he could commit political suicide.

In an act of courage and sacrifice, he chose to do the latter. He abandoned his VP selection process – which included several formidable names – and did the political equivalent of leading a charge with an unloaded weapon, to allow another soldier time to reach a critical target. He picked the loudest, most distracting candidate, leaving the real weapons for his brothers-in-arms.

Sarah Palin is exactly what the GOP delegates wanted:

• A dedicated gunnie absolutist.
• A big-church christian with a dim view of all things scientific.
• An unambiguous denier of global warming – living in the actic circle.
• An advocate of banning non-christian reading.
• A textbook consumer of “earmarks gone wild”.
• A political hack with a talent for sweetheart deals.
• A low-aimer, quick to use political power for even small personal gain.
• A take-no-prisoners anti-abortion absolutist.
• A strong advocate for religious, specifically white anglo saxon protestant control in government.
• A strong advocate of religion-based sex education. (and a glaring example of what’s wrong with that education.)
• A publicly dedicated parent. And proof that even dedicated parents need help.

In short, Sarah Palin is The Perfect Republican, and the logical conclusion of the Reagan legacy and the neoconservative movement. She is the embodiment of Tom DeLay, George W. Bush, Ted Haggard, and Newt Gingrich, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Ted Stevens David Vitter, and so many others. She stands in the shadow of Abraham Lincoln an empty suit and an empty soul, proudly proclaiming her ignorance to the raucous approval of her admirers.

It must have pained John McCain greatly to know what he was doing. I imagine a lot of people will be furious with him, but he has done both the GOP and America a great service. This country needs two political parties to keep each other honest. When one of those parties has fallen into the depths of corruption and hypocrisy present in the GOP, it must be reformed, and it will rarely do so without a solid kick in the teeth.

Had he chosen any other candidate, it is very likely that Obama would be defeated purely on the reluctance of America to accept that, yes, a guy with dark skin can do the job better than they could. He likely still has the option of throwing her under the bus if that should happen in favor of someone capable of the office, but I don’t see that in his expression when he speaks. He is a soldier who has an unpleasant duty, and he is going to do it.

In the meantime, we may well be on the verge of a huge cultural change in the country. With the election of a black president, a man who eight years ago couldn’t rent a can or get into a convention, no black man will ever be able to look in the mirror and say “no, I can’t.” If there is a heaven, Martin Luther King must be proud as hell of what his country has done in 45 years. I know I am, and I admire and respect a great public servant in John McCain, who will likely not get much of the credit that he deserves.