A writer in the Houston Chronicle’s editorial page states what millions have been reluctant to consider:
Texas is the stupidest state in the United States of America.
I JUST read about the University of Texas poll that says that 23 percent of Texans amazingly still believe that Obama is a Muslim. I laughed and laughed. I live in Flori-DUH. We formerly carried the title of stupidest state. On behalf of all Floridians, we are relieved to now hand that title to Texas, home of George Bush and Tom DeLay. You can even take our former motto, and use it as your own: “Texas — Stuck On Stupid.” You may want to use another one: “Texans — Dumb As Dirt.”
Thank you Texas. Flori-DUH is no longer the dumbest of the dumb.
BILL NATHANSON Coral Springs, Fla.
Full disclosure: I am a resident of Texas. I call Texas my home, and I will likely be buried here – T-boned by some chain-smoking soccer-mom who ran a red light while trying to find the number for the church/bank on her cellphone.
While I was not born here, I moved here eagerly and willingly, drawn by the robust economy, the reasonable cost of living, and the unique character that defines the Lone Star State.
One of the most populous states, Texas reflects a broad cross-section of the nation. In the north, it lies between the rolling plains of Oklahoma and the rocky terrain of New Mexico. In the west there are mountains capped with snow almost year-round, and in the east lies the humid piney bayou of the gulf coast, home to fishing, oil, and Klan meetings. Finally, to the south lies a surprisingly lush farmland, and several million dark-skinned people with whom we have a rather awkward history.
That said, we present our qualifications:
Wikipedia defines stupidity as:
“low intelligence or poor learning abilities. Stupidity is distinct from irrationality because stupidity denotes an incapability or unwillingness to properly consider the relevant information”
I believe Texas exceeds Florida safely in every aspect.
1. Low intelligence
Texas has historically been handicapped by the presence of several prominent institutions of higher learning. Among these are Rice University – site of President Kennedy’s iconic “we choose to go to the moon” address, and the University of Texas – a well-recognized medical and business school.
While even Texas knows it is difficult to “un-educate” people, we have worked hard to prevent the education of our citizens. To wit, Texas A&M University. This college is most known for it’s football team, of course, but it has also worked hard to preserve traditional relationships between the races, as well as a widely-accepted leadership in hatred and fear of non-christians.
Our elementary and secondary schools regularly work into the night to ensure that dangerous books and ideas are diverted into proper channels: Hiring lawyers to defend religion in school (as long as it’s the “right” religion) and prevent the teaching of science.
Summary: Our children are still not the stupidest, but we get an “A” for effort.
2. Irrationality vs. Stupidity
Many would point to the religiosity of a state as an indicator of irrationality, but I believe this to be an oversimplification. Indeed, many of our most respected hospitals and schoole are the product of studious faiths and people. Columbia-Presbyterian. Mount Sinai hospital. Notre Dame. All founded by people who have conflicting faiths. But these people are driven by their faith to explore, to teach, to heal, and to build. I’ve had dinner alongside a rabbi and a jesuit preist. Both had intellects and wit which would impress any Harvard professor or TV comedian. (especially since one of them was a department chair at Princeton, and the other, a popular entertainer)
In Texas, though, a church is not a place to be enlightened. They are places (or palaces) of the Fox News or Rush Limbagh mindset: Tell me exactly what I already think is true. Tell me the rest of the world is out to get me. And then sell me a sticker to put on my car to proclaim my ignorance!
My evidence: Lakewood Church, now located in what was until recently the home of the Houston Rockets basketball team. It can seat 16,000 people, and has indoor parking facilities to allow the faithful to avoid any contact with non-believers on their way from their SUV to the “church”.
Other churches may have bigger auditoriums, or more dreadful preachers. But only Lakewood Church has turned the dreary experience of church into a multimedia entertainment experience and self-help seminar by the best-selling author of … oh, God, I’m going to throw up.
Victoria Osteen exemplifies Texas: Removed from a plane for assaulting a (black) flight attendant who didn’t clean her first-class seat fast enough, Texans swiftly protected her. The local paper, normally occupied with complaints about some suspicious arabs on a plane, was swamped with letters putting the “stewardess” in her place for being so uppity. Moral: Security risks are, by definition, caused by darker-skinned people, i.e. in Fox News’ “Attractive Woman In Danger” banners.
Summary: Irrationality implies consistency. Stupidity does not. Texas wins.
3. Refusal to accept relevant or proper information, or context.
This is a state where a Real Man will dress up like a cowboy, get in his Cummins Power Turbo Penis Stroke Fire Chief King Ranch Texas Edition pickup truck (with the imitation-chrome badging!), and sit in traffic for an hour, to go to his job as an assistant manager of expense accounting. Getting 7mpg, with an “I SUPPORT THE TROOPS”, and “ONE NATION, UNDER GOD” magnetic stick-ons (made in the People’s Republic of China). These guys would make the butchest daddies at the NYC Eagle look less uptight.
Evidence:
Florida, by virtue of a public that votes on something more than “it’s the party my daddy voted for” requires candidates to pay attention to the electorate, deliver services, and be accountable – or be replaced. Texas, on the other hand, is visited only by presidential candidates seeking contributions from the energy lobby.
Florida might like to point to the 2000 elections as a trump card, but, really, you can only have a botched election if people vote in the first place.
Texas likes to pride itself on being a “rootin’ tootin, gun-slingin’ state!”, and we are the source of many of the weapons used to kill thousands of cops and civilians in Mexico, as payment for the drugs we import. But did you know that until 1994, it was easier to get a “carry permit” in New York, Massachusets, and even Connecticut, than in Texas? Yes, really.
Vermont, home to the only self-proclaimed socialist in the United States Senate, doesn’t even require a carry permit, but here in Texas, we take it to another level: If you catch a pre-teen stealing a twinkie, you can beat him, kick him, and then shoot him in the back of his head while he’s kneeling and begging for mercy. Not only that, but we’ll write angry letters to the D.A. for even having the nerve to question your rights.
Summary: Unless you show me a “Florida Edition” pickup truck, we win.
4. Mitigating factors
Florida has clung to it’s tag while simultaneously marketing a tropical mosquito swamp as “the happiest place on earth”, and one of the world’s most popular tourist destination. Every day, it wastes thousands of opportunities to punch out a foreign-sounding visitor. With a climate possibly more horrible than Houston, TX, Orlando has become a lucrative enterprise.
Texas, on the other hand, has worked hard to piss off everyone. You know the “Six Flags” theme parks? Right. The name is “Six Flags over Texas”, named for the national flags that have flown over this state in little over 150 years. In some Boston neighborhoods, 150 years is considered “recent construction”. In Texas, that is enough time for a genocide, civil war, revolution, border skirmishes too numerous to count, and lest those crazy Alaskans think they’re seccessionist, we are the only state that still keeps the right to fly our state flag alongside the U.S. flag – just so everyone knows who to blame.
- We tell the Mexicans to “go home” – ignoring that we kind of invaded and kicked them out to start with.
- We take our “law and order” mentality so strongly here, that we’re the only state to not have a legal aid department for indigent defendants. (instead, we contract the work out to private law firms at a much higher price. But we make it up on the volume!)
- We had Enron. C’mon, Florida, can you do better than that? I didn’t think so.
- We had Enron 10 years after we had the S&L crisis.
- We execute more prisoners than anyone else, and executions are inversely proportional to education.
- And as my final argument, I have only one name: George W. Bush.
I rest my case and await the rebuttal, should the respected opposition feel the need to make even a token effort.
