John McCain: Hero

I figured it out today. McCain deserves our respect and admiration. After figuring out that his party was well and truly in the Vitter, and seeing that his opponent – Barack Obama – is an honorable and qualified man – he knew he could either run the campaign to it’s conclusion, and possibly even win it. Doing so would leave the United States in a more tenuous position even than the one it is in today.

Or, he could commit political suicide.

In an act of courage and sacrifice, he chose to do the latter. He abandoned his VP selection process – which included several formidable names – and did the political equivalent of leading a charge with an unloaded weapon, to allow another soldier time to reach a critical target. He picked the loudest, most distracting candidate, leaving the real weapons for his brothers-in-arms.

Sarah Palin is exactly what the GOP delegates wanted:

• A dedicated gunnie absolutist.
• A big-church christian with a dim view of all things scientific.
• An unambiguous denier of global warming – living in the actic circle.
• An advocate of banning non-christian reading.
• A textbook consumer of “earmarks gone wild”.
• A political hack with a talent for sweetheart deals.
• A low-aimer, quick to use political power for even small personal gain.
• A take-no-prisoners anti-abortion absolutist.
• A strong advocate for religious, specifically white anglo saxon protestant control in government.
• A strong advocate of religion-based sex education. (and a glaring example of what’s wrong with that education.)
• A publicly dedicated parent. And proof that even dedicated parents need help.

In short, Sarah Palin is The Perfect Republican, and the logical conclusion of the Reagan legacy and the neoconservative movement. She is the embodiment of Tom DeLay, George W. Bush, Ted Haggard, and Newt Gingrich, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Ted Stevens David Vitter, and so many others. She stands in the shadow of Abraham Lincoln an empty suit and an empty soul, proudly proclaiming her ignorance to the raucous approval of her admirers.

It must have pained John McCain greatly to know what he was doing. I imagine a lot of people will be furious with him, but he has done both the GOP and America a great service. This country needs two political parties to keep each other honest. When one of those parties has fallen into the depths of corruption and hypocrisy present in the GOP, it must be reformed, and it will rarely do so without a solid kick in the teeth.

Had he chosen any other candidate, it is very likely that Obama would be defeated purely on the reluctance of America to accept that, yes, a guy with dark skin can do the job better than they could. He likely still has the option of throwing her under the bus if that should happen in favor of someone capable of the office, but I don’t see that in his expression when he speaks. He is a soldier who has an unpleasant duty, and he is going to do it.

In the meantime, we may well be on the verge of a huge cultural change in the country. With the election of a black president, a man who eight years ago couldn’t rent a can or get into a convention, no black man will ever be able to look in the mirror and say “no, I can’t.” If there is a heaven, Martin Luther King must be proud as hell of what his country has done in 45 years. I know I am, and I admire and respect a great public servant in John McCain, who will likely not get much of the credit that he deserves.

From the mists, two heroes appear.

It’s only Monday, and we have reports of:

• Food riots in several previously-stable countries
• $110 oil futures turning from a wildcard long-shot to a conservative hedge play
• Electricity costs quietly going up 60% over six months
• Natural gas ratcheting up 40%

These are not good things. Any one of them would make for a fairly nasty economic downturn. Taken together, they are the test of a well-managed country with a solid financial plan.

If you just had the image of a fireman spraying gasoline on a fire while using the water to fill his swimming pool, you’re not far off.

These things are becoming more and more difficult for average Americans to ignore. Daily, we are forced to look at signs of perhaps the most incompetently corrupt administration ever to grace any national office, let alone the White House.

It is time for drastic action. We need a to see two people showing us the path to safety. I have two in mind. A man and a woman. You know them, and you probably don’t see how much they have in common, but follow me, if you will:

• The man is a well-respected, charismatic public figure. While he has been criticized for some politically-incorrect religious views, many people surely feel the same way, even though they don’t dare speak out. Many of us have sat, rapt, through his poweful, uplifting speeches, working hard to fight back tears.
• The woman is often perceived to be an elitist radical, but if you look more pragmatically at her record, she’s managed to turn assets of otherwise limited value into business ventures almost obscene in their profitability. While she’s clearly made some mistakes that have earned her scorn from a vocal minority, she is talented in ways we may not have expected. You can’t argue with results.

What we ask of these two is sacrifice in the service of their country. Have no doubt, friends, that even four years will be a lot to ask of them; they may well be damaged, broken shells, having given their all to a nation that will never clearly understand their sacrifice.

Difficulty faces us from the outset here; these two do not understand the greatness that they could achieve by working together.  We may need to use guile even to get them to work together. But I have a plan. It pains me to even describe it, since it plays to the petty jealousy of one, and the absurd conspiracy theories harbored by the other.

This plan can only work with your help. We need to motivate these two heroes to draw our attention away from the trivial distractions thrown in our path by journalists everywhere, and allow us to focus on important matters of national destiny.

The plan, in a nutshell:

1. Leave cases of malt liquor at the driveways of Mel Gibson and Britney Spears

2. Start a rumor that K-Fed has been nailing a rich jewish film critic who was solely responsible for denying “Passion of the christ” a clean sweep of the academy awards, while giving advice on how to get more alimony.

Seriously, people. These are the only two who can keep us from reconsidering that third mortgage to pay for the 20″ spinners on our escalades.